Rethinking Behavior in Parenting and Education Beyond Good and Bad Frameworks

Kelly Landry
Jan 23
4 min read

Updated: Jan 26

Behavior is something we all learn about from a young age. Most of us grow up hearing and learning that behavior is either good or bad. This simple idea shapes how we see ourselves and others. But as a behavior analyst, I see behavior differently. Behavior is not just good or bad. It is everything an organism does. This includes actions, reactions, and communication. Understanding behavior this way can change how parents and educators approach challenges at home and in the classroom.

I want to share my knowledge of behavior and offer new ways to think about behavior. That's it. It's been the dream for several years now, but silencing roadblocks presented themselves along the way. This is my effort to offer educational guidance and support, especially for those who feel silenced. If you are a parent, teacher, or caregiver dealing with challenging behavior, this post is for you. Let’s explore how behavior support can open doors and be beneficial for everyone.

Eye-level view of a classroom with a teacher observing a child playing with blocks

What Behavior Really Means

When we say behavior, many people think of it as something good or bad. A child raises their hand, that’s good behavior. A child throws a tantrum; that’s bad behavior. This black-and-white thinking is common but limited. Behavior analysis teaches us to see behavior as neutral actions that serve a purpose.

Every behavior happens for a reason. It is a form of communication. For example, a child might scream or avoid eye contact, not because they are “bad” but because they are trying to express discomfort, frustration, or some need. Understanding this can change how parents and educators respond. It is up to us to figure out the 'why'.

Behavior is Communication

Communication is more than words. Behavior is a way to talk without speaking. When a child 'acts out', they are likely telling us something important. Something that's been missed. Maybe they need a break, want attention, or feel overwhelmed. Recognizing behavior as communication helps us support children better.

For autism moms and teachers, this means looking beyond the surface. Instead of punishing challenging behavior, we can ask: What is this behavior trying to tell me? How can I help the child express themselves in a way that I can understand?

Challenges in Changing How We See Behavior

Changing how we think about behavior is not easy. The mindset of 'good' versus 'bad' behavior is deeply rooted in culture and education. It can be hard to accept a new way of thinking.

As a behavior analyst, I often meet families and teachers who struggle with this. They want to help but feel stuck in old ideas. They may be closed off to learning about behavior analysis because it challenges what they know. And, that's ok.

Opening Minds to New Ideas

To support families and educators, my work is focused on sharing clear, practical information.

Use simple examples to explain behavior as communication.
Show how behavior support can improve daily life.
Offer digital behavior resources that parents and teachers can use at home or school.
Provide consult sessions to answer questions and tailor strategies.

Close-up view of a digital tablet displaying behavior support resources — See, it's all part of my overall goals.

Practical Tips for Parents and Educators

If you are dealing with challenging behavior, here are some behavior analytic tips in a nutshell:

Watch without judging. Pay attention to what happens before and after the behavior. This helps in recognizing cues and results - what happens right before and right after the behavior.
Ask what the behavior communicates. Is the child seeking attention, avoiding something, or trying to get a need met?
Teach alternative behaviors. Help the child learn other ways to communicate, like using words, gestures, or pictures - whatever works for them!
Break it down. Big tasks should be broken down into smaller, achievable steps.
Be consistent. Use the same responses to behavior so the child knows what to expect.
Use positive reinforcement. To change behavior, reinforce safe communication - including the tiniest of efforts!
Seek support. Consult with a behavior analyst who understands behavior, autism, challenging behavior, or whatever space you are currently needing support in!

These are just a few strategies that work well in both classrooms and homes. They support social skills and communication, which are often areas of difficulty for children.

Why Behavior Analysis Matters

Behavior analysis is a science that offers clear, evidence-based methods to support everyone in a community.

For parents and educators who may not be well-versed in the science behind it, behavior analysis can serve as a powerful tool. It allows us to transform our understanding, which might be based on our observations and experiences from our own childhood, into ways to turn challenging behavior into opportunities for growth.

High angle view of a behavior analyst consulting with a parent in a home setting — Behavior analyst consulting with a parent about behavior support strategies

Moving Forward with New Understanding

Rethinking behavior beyond good and bad opens new possibilities. It helps parents and educators see behavior as a form of communication and a chance to teach new skills. This shift can reduce frustration and build stronger relationships.

If you are a parent or teacher facing challenging behavior, consider exploring support options available to you. Look for behavior support consults online. Use behavior resources to learn and apply new strategies, even when you're on the go.

Changing how we see behavior is not about fixing problems. It is about understanding and supporting the whole individual. This approach creates a more positive, effective path for everyone involved.

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